Beyond the Norm: Crushing the RNA Prerelease

Ryan Normandin
January 18, 2019
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This weekend, you’ll have the opportunity to compete in a Ravnica Allegiance prerelease! You’ll be able to reminisce about the glory days when the Azorius were strong, complain about Wilderness Reclamation, and defend your losses by pointing to the three rare lands you opened. But in Ravnica, you have to choose a guild. Not sure which one to go with? I’ve got you covered.

Azorius

 

What to Wear: Be sure to check whether your Local Game Store (LGS) has a dress code and that your clothing conforms to all local, state, and federal regulations. If the LGS tells you that the only requirement is that you wear clothes, then be sure to write up your own clothes-wearing guidelines, to be posted in the LGS before the event.

What to Bring: Be sure to have the 200+ page Magic: the Gathering Comprehensive Rules with you at all times. Prereleases are filled with newer players, which means plenty of rules violations. You’ll be on a citation-issuing frenzy!

What to Say: As an Azorius, you need to serve as a model for everyone else in how rules should be followed. Narrate exactly what you are doing at all times during the game to ensure clear communication. Whenever you activate an ability, be sure to read the rulings on that ability, just to be sure that your opponent understands. In fact, every card you play should have its oracle text and all complete rulings read. This is the best way to prevent any violations from taking place. And remember: clear communication is never slow play (be sure to have that page bookmarked).

How to Act: You might not actually be a judge, but let’s be real: you’re a judge. Your rules expertise is vast and you should grant yourself whatever authority is necessary in order to ensure the event runs smoothly. It’s not unusual to be forced to enact martial law, for example, at the beginning of each event.

How to Play: Take to the skies. That’s always the best place to watch future lawbreakers from.

 

Orzhov

 

What to Wear: Something that you don’t mind getting stained; people are often clumsy with their blood when paying debts.

What to Bring: The most important thing to have is your register of debts owed. You can leverage this debt register during games by extracting in-game actions in exchange for a lessening of debt. Some might frown upon this practice and confuse your lawful debt collection with blackmail or bribery, but it’s pretty black and white to the Orzhov.

What to Say: Be familiar with all forms of payment that the Orzhov accept. That way you can let your opponent know which bodily fluids are okay to dump into your collection vial and which are definitely, definitely not.

How to Act: Don’t draw too much attention to yourself, but remember that you run the place. You’re not the judge, the tournament organizer, or probably even the best player. But you own all of those people, and that’s far better than being any of those people. All the benefits, none of the responsibilities.

How to Play: Nickle and dime them. Death by a thousand cuts. Use your afterlife spirits to pick away at their life total, one point at a time. Savor the feeling of your opponent’s life slowly leaking out.

 

Rakdos

 

What to Wear: Whatever you want! Everything in your wardrobe! Nothing at all! That clown suit you still have from your 11th grade spirit week for your high school with the clown mascot! Whatever you wear, just remember that it all improves if it’s on fire.

What to Bring: Whatever you want! Whips and chains galore! Stuffed animals! An old cabbage! Just remember: if any of those things are on fire, you’ll have a much more captive audience!

What to Say: Whatever you want! Swear, curse, or practice your gibberish! Just remember, if you eat fire, your words will have just a bit of that extra pizzazz!

How to Act: However you want! The prerelease is no different from any other place, time, or event! Throw a party while you’re there, invite your friends, bring your pet demons! Just remember, everyone will be much warmer on this cold winter weekend if you light the place on fire!

How to Play: However you want! If your opponent declares blockers, just ignore them and kill the opponent anyways! If they attack you, rip up the card and toss it aside! And remember: it’s much more difficult for your opponent to focus if they’re on fire!

 

Gruul

 

What to Wear: Clothes are social construct. Wear clothes, not wear clothes. What is clothes? Cloth on skin, keep warm. Gruul don’t care.

What to Bring: Bring weapon. Bludgeon. Club. Spikes good. Prerelease in building, building bad. Destroy building.

What to Say: Depends who talk to.

  • If bird, “Not walk? Then fly!!!”
  • If baby, “Not adult? Then cry!!!”
  • If gymnast, “Not stiff? Then spry!!!”
  • If dessert, “Not dinner? Then pie!!!”
  • If question, “Not answer? Then why!!!”
  • If latte, “Not pumpkin spice? Then chai!!!”
  • If thopterist, “Not Dovin? Then Sai!!!”
  • If bread, “Not wheat? Then rye!!!”
  • If investor, “Not sell? Then buy!!!”
  • If Greek letter, “Not alpha? Then psi!!! Or pi!!! Or xi!!!”
  • If body part, “Not arm? Then thigh!!!”
  • If not Gruul, “Not Gruul? Then you suck.”

How to Act: Gruul smash. Smash good. Smash smash smash. You smash tables, chairs, windows. Until nature rule.

How to Play: Attack. Every turn, all creatures attack. That way, smash opponent. If creatures no smash opponent, you smash opponent. With club. Told you to bring earlier. That what club is for.

 

 

Simic

 

What to Wear: Something that you weren’t born with! Crab arms are super in this season, but rumor has it that octopus tentacles are going to make a big comeback this summer, so if you want to get ahead of the trends, go with the tentacles!

What to Bring: Immunosuppressant drugs. And moisturizer. The first so your immune system doesn’t reject your biogenic upgrades. The second because they always get so dry around the graft points. Gotta be ready.

What to Say: The best way to spread Simic fashion is to make sure that everyone knows how unfashionable they are with their body parts all from the same species. Like… arms that match legs? Ew, that’s so 1980’s. Make sure that your frog legs are on fleek because you better believe people will be checking them out.

How to Act: Obviously, there’s a lot of aesthetic appeal to grafting on body parts, but there’s also a lot of utility. Help someone reach a high object with your giraffe neck implant. Save a falling child with your spider web poop. Scare off robbers by puffer fishing yourself up to a disturbingly large size (but stay away from sharp objects when you do that, the Simic are still working on a pop-proof puffer gene).

How to Play: The name of the game is improvement! You want to make sure that you have as many creature types with as many +1/+1 counters on board at all times! If you do that much, victory will assuredly follow!

 

 

Now that you’re armed with knowledge (and crab arms?), you’re ready to go to prerelease! Which guild will you be joining this weekend?