Top 8 Easter Eggs of MTG

Every eleven years, a unique opportunity arises to ensure that you’ll remain estranged from your family for the next eleven years. An opportunity to excuse all egg-related hijinks. An opportunity to kidnap children and— well, we’ll get to that.

The point is, this Sunday is Easter, but it’s also April Fool’s Day, the holiday of which I am the patron saint. If you’re looking for a clever way to celebrate both holidays at once, how about swapping out those Easter eggs that poor, innocent children will be hunting for with… some more exciting eggs? Below, I’ve compiled a list of the most exciting eggs that you can swap the normal ones with while also making it very clear to your family that, no, you never “grew out of” that “stupid card game.”

 Chicken Egg

So, um, this one is actually completely possible. The easy version is to paint, but not hardboil, all of the eggs you’re using in the Easter Egg Hunt. That way, children (and that one weird uncle) will be pleasantly surprised when they accidentally crush the eggs they’re picking up and are doused in yolk. When they begin to cry and ask what it is, you can put your acting chops to good use and tell them that they were so strong that they actually crushed the chicken inside as well. All that yellow goo is chicken blood… So sad, so sad.

The better way to do this is to actually steal real chicken eggs for the hunt so that, in the middle of the hunt, the eggs all start hatching and the hunting area is overrun by baby chickens. Now there’s an Easter your kids won’t soon forget!

 Chimeric Egg

Kids these days are too into their phones. So this Easter, teach them the murder-y way to strike a healthy balance. Every time you see a kid sending a Snapmessage or an iChat, grab their phone from them, and lock it into your Baby’s First Chimeric Egg (available on Amazon for $699.99). Once you’ve locked enough phones into your Baby’s First Chimeric Egg and a child “finds it” hidden in the Easter egg course, out will emerge a giant trampling robotic monster build from the cell phones locked within. After it stomps around smashing stuff for a bit, your problem will be solved one of two ways. Either the children will have learned a valuable lesson about how being glued to a screen creates a 12-foot death machine, or there won’t be any children left to pester you about getting a new phone.

Dragon Egg

This is for kids who are at that age where they think dragons are SO COOL. Maybe they’ve seen “How to Train Your Dragon,” “How to Train Your Dragon 2,” or pirated the upcoming and not-yet-made “How to Train Your Dragon 3.” Really makes you wonder how useful these movies are if, after three, they’ve still failed to adequately train their dragon. Anyways, your sweet little snotbucket won’t stop begging you to purchase an evasive, fire-breathing death machine (available on Amazon for $1,999.99) as a pet. From the “be careful what you wish for” school of thought, I’d suggest giving them just a taste of what they’re asking for. Replace the normal Easter eggs with a couple of dragon eggs. When the eggs first hatch (or are crushed by toddlers lacking control of their motor functions), out will emerge an adorable, 2/2 dragon.

            “Mommy, mommy!” Timmy will cry out. “Can we name it Fluffy?!”

            “Of course we can,” you’ll respond with a smile on your face. “Say, Timmy, I wonder if Fluffy likes being pet?”

Put on your sunglasses and keep a fire extinguisher handy, cuz Timmy is about to learn just how much Fluffy does not like being pet.

 Roc Egg / Rukh Egg

 In the world of competitive parenting and ungrateful children, it can be hard to keep your little angel happy and up-to-date with all the latest trendy toys. That’s why I want to warn you about a pitfall you could encounter when pranking/teaching/murdering-with-giant-mech-monsters your children this Easter Fool’s.

Everyone (who is a nerd) knows what a roc is. Big, mythical, bird. Cool. But a rukh? What’s a rukh? Well, as it turns out, a rukh is simply the Persian form of the word roc, which means that they’re identical. As with most of these items, both are available on, the Roc Egg for $400 and the Rukh Egg for $700, but which egg should you purchase for your hunt? Do you want a giant roc to pop out of the egg, snatch your child in its enormous talons, and carry them away to its nest, where your child will be fed to its child (how’d it have children so fast…?) in a stunning bit of irony? Or do you want a giant rukh to kidnap your child and tear them to bits?

This is a tough question that every parent is going to have to grapple with this holiday season. The Roc Egg is the cheaper of the two, and is basically the same as the Rukh Egg. Sure, the roc it produces is a little bit smaller and it’s a plain white instead of that cool red color, but it’s half the price! Your child would be thrilled to be carried off into the sky by a 3/3 roc!

Just be warned: if you purchase the Roc Egg instead of the Rukh Egg, your special little snowflake is going to start complaining, because their friend Tara had her parents get her a Rukh Egg and it’s soooo much cooler. It’s bright red and, for some strange reason, the roc that comes out is a vivid, bright blue. And then you’ll also have to deal with Tara’s mom when she sees that you bought your kid a Roc Egg.

            “Ohhhh woooow, that’s such a cute little Roc Egg you’ve got there! It’s so small and adorable! Oh, it’s so much easier on the eyes than the bright red Rukh Egg that I got for my Tara. Our kids will have to have a playdate and bring their eggs! So, you know… I can show Tara what poor people look like.”

This holiday season, the Rukh Egg/Roc Egg is the “it item” controversy that will destroy friendships, lead to the mental collapse of already fragile parental minds, and force you into having uncomfortable conversations with your child about class disparity, racism, and why you turn your paycheck into cardboard crack… Every. Single. Week.

6. Dingus Egg

Dingus eggs should be a part of every Easter Fool’s celebration for one simple reason: they are super fun to say.

“Hey, Johnny, go grab that dingus egg for me… ya DINGUS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!”

“Hey, Sally, I really like this egg! What’s it called again? A dingus? Then they might as well call it a SALLY EGG!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Insulting four-year-olds has never been so much fun.

7. Skycloud Egg/Darkwater Egg/Shadowblood Egg/Mossfire Egg/Sungrass Egg

The new line of Compound Word Eggs (available on Amazon for only $10.99 each, or $49.99 for a complete set!) has just been released, and this holiday season, you have quite the set of options!

The Skycloud Egg is a nice, wholesome egg to hide in this year’s Easter Fool’s Hunt. Are you tired of your eggs containing clouds from the… um… ground? And the… ocean? You’re in luck because this here egg contains only clouds from… from the sky? Yeah, from the sky! As opposed to all the other places that clouds come from. Best of all, when your child eats this egg, according to the flavor text, they will become a really sincere (read: unsuccessful) politician! Yaaay…

When you crack open a Darkwater Egg, be careful, because water will spill out! But dark water. Let me tell you, this water has an incredibly high index of refraction; most light just won’t pass through it. It’s watery, dark, and it smells kinda gross, but it’s totally not sludge. We promise. Just keep the FDA out of this. Drinking this sludge darkwater will make your child into a depressed nerd, every parent’s dream!

Shadowblood Eggs are always fun. When you crack the egg open, it screams, just like a human! Then it bleeds and screams some more, until you eventually consume the egg, absorbing its powers, at the cost of the egg consuming your soul. (There’s a small chance that this egg is actually a fully-living, weird-looking demon.)

Mossfire Eggs are drugs. Not gonna lie here, just giving it you straight-up. Crack it open and take a hit; one Mossfire Egg, and your egg-painting children won’t be the only ones seeing bright colors. You can swallow it, snort it, or shove it deep into your… ears. The high is always the same. Whereas you’re comfortable pranking your children with the other eggs in this produce line, this one is a more “for-the-parents” toy when you’re at these stupid egg hunts surrounded by screaming, pooping toddlers and you just need a little something to take the edge off…

Sungrass Eggs… well, Sungrass Eggs are also drugs. But a different kind. As you might guess from the flavor text, Sungrass Eggs make you super mellow and hippie, and then send you into a murderous rage. When you finally come down, prepare to be confused; you’ll likely be surrounded by kale, tea, incense, and the corpses of the those you’ve slaughtered.

8. Summoner’s Egg

Sometimes, it can be a little boring just looking for hidden eggs. That’s why whenever I attend an Easter Fool’s Hunt, I like to up the stakes by kidnapping a child and hiding them somewhere on the course! With the My Little Summoner’s Egg (available on Amazon for $299.99), you now have a fun way to combine your love of hiding eggs with your love of hiding children! Lock up a kid (don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be yours) in the My Little Summoner’s Egg, and then hide the Summoner’s Egg somewhere with the normal Easter eggs. Watch the children, other parents, and police search for the egg with an urgency unlike anything you’ve ever seen at an Easter egg hunt before!

BONUS: Emrakul, the Promised End

If you really want to make this Easter Fool’s memorable, hide Innistrad’s moon somewhere on the playground with the rest of the Easter eggs. When a kid stumbles upon it, well hidden in a clump of bushes, see if they release the world-consuming eldritch horror within! Watch as all the children’mrakul grow extra orifices and limbs and become one with the giant tentacley alien that will soon devour the world.

Easter Fool’s is truly a special day, and one that should be taken advantage of on the rare occasion that it comes around. Hopefully, the fun, light-hearted pranks I’ve come up with above will help you to make some fun memories with your kids on this holiday weekend!

Ryan is a grinder from Boston with SCG & GP Top 8’s and a PT Day 2. His fragile self-esteem is built on approval from others, so be sure to tell him what you think of his articles on Twitter @RyanNormandin and in his Twitch chat at twitch.tv/norm_the_ryno.