Beyond the Norm: Throne of Eldraine’s Nursery Rhymes

Ryan Normandin
September 19, 2019
0 Comments

 

To celebrate Throne of Eldraine's arrival, we put together a collection of Nursery Rhymes. 

 

 

 Hickory dickory dock
Teferi ran up the clock
The clock struck twelve
Teferi bounced it
Then said nobody could do anything.
Hickory dickory f***.

 
Hey diddle diddle
Jace and Tamiyo
Emrakul got sealed in the moon.
The angels all laughed
To see such sport
And Davriel ran to nap in his room.
 
--
 
Hot cross Opals
Hot cross Opals
One a $110
Two $220
Hot cross Opals.
 
 
I’m a little Tron boi, short and stout,
Here is my Tower, here is my Mine.
When I get my Power Plant, here me snicker.
Just tip me over and pour out Karn.
 
 
Little Miss Modern
Sat on a tuffett
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a Stoneforge
Who sat down beside her
And was ignored by Miss Muffett all day.

 

--
 
Brawly McBrawl sat on the wall,
Brawly McBrawl had a great fall.
All WotC’s PR
And all WotC’s hype men
Couldn’t put Brawly
Together again.
 
Brawly McBrawl sat on the wall,
Brawly McBrawl had a great fall.
The more no one cried
The harder they tried
To put Brawly
Together again.
 
Brawly McBrawl sat on the wall,
Brawly McBrawl had a great fall.
All WotC’s products
And MTG Arena
Finally put Brawly
Together again (for now).
 
--
 
Mary had a Lightning Bolt,
Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt,
Mary had a Lightning Bolt,
Its light as bright as snow.
 
And everywhere that Mary went,
Mary went, Mary went,
Everywhere that Mary went,
That Bolt was sure to go.
 
It followed her to school one day,
School one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day,
Where all her friends played casually.
 
It made the children shout and cry,
Shout and cry, shout and cry,
It made the children shout and cry,
To get Bolted in the face.
 
And so the teacher threw it out,
Threw it out, threw it out,
And so the teacher turned it out,
But it waited just offstage.
 
And waited patiently about,
Paitently about, patiently about,
And waited patiently about,
Til Mary cast Snapcaster Mage.
 
“Why does Mary Bolt us so?
Burn us so? Always win?
Why does Mary Bolt us so?”
The eager children cry.
 
“Why, Mary loves her Bolt you know.”
Loves Steam Vents, you know, loves Bolt-Snap-Bolt, you know.
“Why Mary loves to Bolt your face.”
The teacher did reply.
 
 
Rowan and Will
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
They got to the top,
And there did they stop,
For they saw two kids just like them.
 
Rowan kicked Jack,
and Will whacked Jill.
Those two peasants were done for.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.
 
--
 
Three Legacy players. Three Legacy players.
See how they strut. See how they strut.
They tried to find a tourney all day
But when they showed up no one had cards to play.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life,
As three Legacy players?
 
 
Twinkle, twinkle, little Jace,
How I miss your dumb smug face.
Sculpting abs and sculpting minds,
Brainstorming helped me to grind.
Twinkle twinkle, little Jace,
How I miss your dumb smug face.
 
When you finally left my life
When your OP cards took flight,
Then we thought we all were saved.
No more Jace, a brand new day.
Out of the pot, into flames,
Teferi showed up and ruined our games.
 
 
Its raining, it’s pouring;
WotC is snoring.
They went to bed and they
Bumped their head
And they printed Hogaak in the morning.

 

 

Ryan Normandin (@RyanNormandin) is a grinder from Boston who has lost at the Pro Tour, in GP & SCG Top 8's, and to 7-year-olds at FNM. Despite being described as "not funny" by his best friend and "the worst Magic player ever" by Twitch chat, he cheerfully decided to blend his lack of talents together to write funny articles about Magic.

 

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